“The today to tell you a part of my

 “The ultimate measure of a person is not where
they stand in moments of comfort but rather where they stand at times of
challenge and controversy” – Martin Luther King.

At a certain phase in every human being’s
existence, he or she will be confronted with the pungent side of what life has
obscured for ages. This is why we can say that life has drawn for us an onerous
and lengthy road to move along that unfortunately, isn’t paved with roses at
all times but rather garnished with thorns. Therefore it is not recommended to
determine the inner power of a person when he or she is experiencing the
greatest side of it but while passing through the hardest of moments.

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Throughout my life, I have always looked at
the world through rose-tinted glasses, regardless how many times I was
constantly worrying about what hurdle might come next. Even though I have never
involved anyone with personal matters, I stand today to tell you a part of my
story which I believe that it exemplifies life, from all of its hardships to
the stars.

My story starts like many others in this
world, growing up in a poor situation in a pretty wealthy area and environment
where everybody seems to have extreme ease with buying everything their heart
desires. At a very young age, my parents declared their divorce and we started
me and my older brother to switch between living with both. Dealing with such
an instability at a young age wasn’t at all easy. I still remember the days
when my brother and I started creating handmade accessories to sell them at
exhibitions in order to assist our mother with the finances. Everything seemed
to be perfect; I was involved in so many extracurricular activities, I was a
scout member, a ballet dancer, a handcraft creator, but have never prioritized
my activities at the expanses of my studies. I was always on top of my class,
working really hard to maintain high grades. When I started to decide which
establishment to apply for, I was an eighteen year old girl researching alone
without any intervention of both of my parents since I have always been an
independent woman and someone they can always rely on without realizing that I
will always need emotional support especially at this critical age of
transition. It was then that I started feeling without realizing that I am
distant from the people that were so called to give me courage and support.
Being a multitalented person, I had struggles with choosing my own path until I
got accepted with a full scholarship in one of the most prestigious colleges around
Lebanon. In fall 2016, I had to skip entirely two consecutive months of my
first semester at college due to harsh medical circumstances and a surgery that
I had to undergo. Once I recovered, I started working hard to catch up with
what I have missed, but unfortunately these circumstances have led to losing my
scholarship since I couldn’t manage to maintain high grades as I used to do.
Everything was going out of my hands and I had to deal with so much emotional
and psychological problems. My grades went down and I started day by day,
disregarding what I was the most aiming for in my life: career, and I started
realizing that things are not going how I thought they would go. I was so
trapped, I started looking at my life from a whole different perspective,
asking myself how did I get there, and how can I get back over to where my
heart feels secure.

Deep down I had this little
brink of hope and I knew that there was more in store for me but I didn’t know
how to discover my greatness and how to solve the problems that were overwhelming.
I had a struggle with myself and I got trapped in what I can call the
knowledge-action gap. I know what to do but I couldn’t seem to make myself do
it. But how difficult it was to let my mind stop thinking about what I should
do and start doing it instead. The universal problem was my thinking. It all
starts in the knowledge of what to do and having the motivation to do it. But I
have always had this motivation garbage. And I started thinking and thinking
about something that I wanted to change in my life .Meanwhile my brain was
helping me, it opened up a checklist trying to remind me of the intention that
I set. And I learnt that it is really important to develop this skill that is
knowing how to hear that inner wisdom and that intention, kicking and leaning
into it quickly to take the right path. I wanted to change my life. I was dying
to be great because I needed it most. The desire was there and it’s all about
how to go from knowledge to challenge. I will never forget this morning, when it
was winter in Beyrouth, it was dark and cold when my alarm clock rang and for
the first time in a year I had beaten my habit of hitting the snooze bottom at
least twenty times. And I stood up.

I learnt that it was my job to know how
to move from those ideas that can change everything into acting up in the
smallest of moments. I always had the intention to jump over after I was
diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. My inner wisdom kicked in. And
this was my secret weapon. I went from getting up on time to shacking up my
entire life as I started living the life that has always met my desires. I
started noticing that the amount of garbage that we are putting away take a lot
of our confidence and courage. Everything comes down to the decisions that we make
Jean Paul Sartres sums it all up, by stating that we are our choices.