As humans, we tend to treat our friends and families withkindness, we reassure them, and support them through hard times.
“In otherwords, most of us are very good at being understanding, kind and compassionatetoward others” (Neff, 2011). Yet, we are completely the opposite when it comesto being compassionate with ourselves. Our inner voice criticizes us, and weoften do negative self-serving bias towards us. People who has self-compassion withthemselves have better relationships with others and are happier. Havingself-compassion has three main components: kindness, common humanity, andmindfulness.
Kindness “Self-kindnessrefers to the tendency to be supportive and understanding with ourselves ratherthan harshly critical or judgmental” (Neff, 2011). We often stress out andhardly give ourselves the positive support when we go through life difficulties.Understanding and accepting it that it’s apart of life will make us morecomfortable and gentler. When we experience those hard time but not frustrateourselves, we are being more self-compassionate towards us. The more wepractice on being calm and becoming more positive self-serving bias, the moreself-compassionate we are. The ending result will have us feel happier, lessstressed, depressed, anxious, and more secure with ourselves.
CommonHumanity Everyonego through hard times and suffer, whether it’s big or small. You isolate yourself,become selfish, and is self-centered when you think you’re the only one who seemto suffer, when in fact, everyone surrounded by you suffers as well. “Self-compassioninvolves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of theshared human experience – something we all go through rather than beingsomething that happens to ‘me’ alone” (Neff, 2018). When you start to understandand realizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of being a human, you’rebeing self-compassionate.
You’ll start to become aware of things and more conscious.Mindfulness Mindfulnessis the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something. It alsoinvolves acceptance – we pay attention to our feelings and thoughts withoutjudging them. The more we practice this, the more we can tune into sensing inthe present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future. Thepain we have cannot be ignored and feeling compassion cannot happen all at onceyet, at the same time, mindfulness requires we cannot be over-identified.Conclusion Justhow we treat our friends and families, we should treat ourselves. Being a bestfriend and to have that good relationship, we can be more self-compassionate.
Admitting the pain that is carried and accepting kindness will heal. This is a newchallenge to develop self-compassion but beating ourselves up doesn’t make anythingbetter. We’re already compassionate, kind, and understand our friends and families.All we need to do now is apply those same skills to us.