As humans, we tend to treat our friends and families with
kindness, we reassure them, and support them through hard times. “In other
words, most of us are very good at being understanding, kind and compassionate
toward others” (Neff, 2011). Yet, we are completely the opposite when it comes
to being compassionate with ourselves. Our inner voice criticizes us, and we
often do negative self-serving bias towards us. People who has self-compassion with
themselves have better relationships with others and are happier. Having
self-compassion has three main components: kindness, common humanity, and
refers to the tendency to be supportive and understanding with ourselves rather
than harshly critical or judgmental” (Neff, 2011). We often stress out and
hardly give ourselves the positive support when we go through life difficulties.
Understanding and accepting it that it’s apart of life will make us more
comfortable and gentler. When we experience those hard time but not frustrate
ourselves, we are being more self-compassionate towards us. The more we
practice on being calm and becoming more positive self-serving bias, the more
self-compassionate we are. The ending result will have us feel happier, less
stressed, depressed, anxious, and more secure with ourselves.
go through hard times and suffer, whether it’s big or small. You isolate yourself,
become selfish, and is self-centered when you think you’re the only one who seem
to suffer, when in fact, everyone surrounded by you suffers as well. “Self-compassion
involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the
shared human experience – something we all go through rather than being
something that happens to ‘me’ alone” (Neff, 2018). When you start to understand
and realizing that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of being a human, you’re
being self-compassionate. You’ll start to become aware of things and more conscious.
is the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something. It also
involves acceptance – we pay attention to our feelings and thoughts without
judging them. The more we practice this, the more we can tune into sensing in
the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future. The
pain we have cannot be ignored and feeling compassion cannot happen all at once
yet, at the same time, mindfulness requires we cannot be over-identified.
how we treat our friends and families, we should treat ourselves. Being a best
friend and to have that good relationship, we can be more self-compassionate.
Admitting the pain that is carried and accepting kindness will heal. This is a new
challenge to develop self-compassion but beating ourselves up doesn’t make anything
better. We’re already compassionate, kind, and understand our friends and families.
All we need to do now is apply those same skills to us.